I remember daydreaming of a lighter version of myself where I would be a grown up. I did not know much about careers other than what was portrayed on tv or in movies. One thing that peaked my interest was modeling. When I was young I would often model for my school’s fashion show. I felt so special and I loved trying on the clothes, feeling the different fabrics and enjoying all the colors and designs. I liked ‘walking the runway’ and seeing everyone and being told I “look so pretty”, but I loved the fashion even more. I think for me, fashion is such a sensory experience with visual, spatial and tactile stimulation. It also allows me to feel pretty and feminine.
In school, I excelled in Math, Science and the Arts. I loved to draw and design and had a wonderful teacher that started to nurture these skills in junior high. When she left I never found another teacher or mentor like her and was scared and unsure how to pursue more. High school was very competitive and not strong in the Arts. When it was time to focus on college applications and decide on majors, I remember telling my parents I wanted to do fashion design. I distinctly remember one of them quipping “you should pick something more sensible”, and further mentioning that they wouldn’t help with tuition if I chose fashion.
Looking back, I didn’t have the courage to pursue my primary interest, and I seemed to have been surrounded by various people in my life that reinforced the principle of scarcity and fear of money. I resolved to study a much lower level interest, and I pursued physical therapy because it seemed like “the right thing to do” and it made my parents happy.
I’ve been in this career for over ten years, but there’s always been a nagging part of me that feels “something is missing”. I’ve been soul-searching and looking how to evolve myself and bridge these two very different worlds. I believe in the possibility of abundance and I still hold out hope to honor that vision of a “lighter version” of myself where I can make money doing what I love and feel like I’m my best and most beautiful self, inside and out!